Where's Your Inner Strength At????

So I got on Facebook today… like I do everyday, and seen all the great things that people were posting that they were thankful for naturally because it’s thanksgiving. I had seen another Beach Body Coach post this YouTube video link, talking about his game changers.  I clicked on it because I thought if it’s motivational or inspirational I’ll listen because it’s always always worth listening to (but that’s another topic).  It was Tony Robbins Seminar 2014 – Greatest Secret Ever Tony Robbins – Tony Robbins Power Of Choice and can be found at http://youtu.be/5NxnVEXGR4Y and yes I think you should watch it, you’re worth the time.  He talked about the power of our choices and decisions and steps in the process.  I took notes in a journal, and kept listening.  Then he got to the part where he talked about Role Models…. Honestly this is been a difficult one for me and always has been. I have people that I model here or there I thought.  Mr. Robbins then graciously talked about role modeling yourself, and then he listed five questions pertaining to that specifically. 

So loving the audio function on my phone I voice recorded my answers into a document.  I’d like to share them with you; not to read about a sob story, or put anyone on blast, but in optimistic thinking that you’ll do the same for yourself and find your inner power and strength to move forward and progress in whatever it is in your life that’s going to make your life better and it can always get better right?!

Questions for Role Modeling Myself per Mr. Anthony Robbins Stream Listed above (go watch it!)

Disclaimer here… This is for the sole purpose of hoping someone finds it to be helpful in their own world in the way that I do. 

1. What is a tough time in my life that I got through?

~A tough time in my life was the physical and mental abuse I endured as a child and as a teenager.

~The self infliction of creating more pain for myself every day through using drugs and getting into legal trouble, and hurting people

         I got through this in the fact that I am no longer there (grateful)

~ Finally leaving my kids Dad after years of hurt and on again off again bull shit.

2. What Pulled Me Through That Situation (Situations)?

What pulled me through those situations… Well a few things, and I’m sure this was obvious or maybe not hell I don’t know I just know what it did for me. This is where my love for music came to life. As a teenager listening to Tupac Shakur and listening to Eminem, watching I Love Lucy and writing every day those are the things that got me through so many rough times as a teenager and through my own demise.  Focusing on my love for my brothers when I was younger, and focusing on my love for my kids once they came along; and finally now focusing on the love for myself

Listening to music every day helped me to know that there was going to be an end in sight even though it didn't feel like it there WAS going to be an end in sight and I would survive and I wouldn't have to take it every day of my life but it would end one day.

It was listening to music and writing poetry that made me want to share that same gift with the rest of the world. Just the way it made me feel, so empowered and strong made me want to share words with the world to help those people who are hurting so deeply inside in anyway and in a place that no one else can see, touch, hear, or feel.  Music and writing is what makes me want to be passionate, and help people to heal and love their lives to truly love themselves and love the life that they are living.  It’s my purpose.

Listening to Tony Robbins for Brendan Burchard or any of the other self-help books and videos and podcasts and anything else I can get my hands on. Having a inspirational women surrounding me amongst taking care of myself every single day such as working out actually eating multiple times a day and not just eating but eating something that fuels my body instead of just putting crap in it so I don't feel hungry anymore these are the things that are getting me through right now.  Thankful for Beach Body! Feeling like things are real they're still difficult but they’re real and I can see the end I can see the end of the hardship.  Everyday I put something good into my mind, something good into my body and I do something good for both of them every day.  I focus my time and I try to spend twenty minutes to six hours or whatever some kind of intentional time with my kids because they are what matters.  If I screw that up it's something I can never ever get back again, and it is the only thing in this life that if I fail I cannot have another chance, that this is something that we must all realize time is of the essence and there is no second chance and time is the gift that we truly have amongst choice. I'm getting carried away here but Beach Body is also another thing helping me to move forward it's what's introduced me to a group of people who value personal development in the same way that I do, that doesn't keep you stuck in some kind of categorized illness that helps you to grow personally beautifully to be healthy to love your family and love your life and God I am so grateful I could not even fathom the words to say how grateful I am for my recent breakthroughs and over comings. It makes me feel like for once in my life I am truly in the right place in the right state of mind and it feels most at home for me. I do not feel like an outsider or an outcast it feels right at home even when I'm afraid it is what I know is right for me and for my family for my kids right now at this moment. And gotta remember Mom and my friends… Mom showed me through her lead to work hard; to not be afraid of it, and how to advocate for myself, which truly are great gifts, thanks Mom. My friends… I cannot love them enough there always there, they love with me, the bitch with me, and they support me even when they don’t like what I’m doing. I love them. 

3. What was life like before all hell broke loose?

Ha ha three what was life like before the situations well I don't remember when I was a kid, I don't remember much at all it was just crazy. I remember people using drugs and screaming at each other and fighting and that's what I modeled and I am just looking back at it now even though that's what life was like before because it was like that more than it was not.

I’ve had these moments here and there in the mist of things that helped me be able to preview another way of life. That helped me to see that not everyone lives this way. That helped me to see that there is a way to live and love each other without the kind of pain that really hurts people. I know that things like spending time with a few childhood friends and their families, things like spending time with my and/or when I was a kid things like going to Epcot center things like working in in-home healthcare that's a huge one those things especially working in other peoples homes help me to look at things differently to take note of what works for some and what doesn't work for others to know that not everything has to be dramatized that not everything has to suck that people actually do live in healthy ways to love each other and know that they love each other. People do trust each other and most of all that people do take care of their family put them first and accomplish their dreams I am so grateful to have seen those things I am grateful for where I'm at right now because I am the healthiest and happiest and most grateful that I have ever been in my entire life and it is because I've been making choices that are right for me and my kids and it's still difficult make no mistake but I'm grateful for and there are no words that can explain it as deeply as I feel it in my heart and in my soul in the blessings that I feel in everything

4. What did I do that brought me from there to now?

WOW! I did all kinds of stuff from childhood to now including using all kinds of drugs. I had and have had a wide variety of beliefs from “I don't give a fuck and that's real” and “I believe that there is always something present to lead us in the right direction” throughout my life. I could see it then, not nearly as strong as I see it now.

A beautiful friend was in my life, she showed me great things in the break in between my using, when I was sober for a little while when I was 15. She taught me things about love and humanity. Then when I left a previous boyfriend I was kind a lost and I started dating my kid’s dad.  I had a child and started working in rehab. It saved my life in a different kind of way, not because I went through it but because I worked through it for three years and learned the very things that helped me to understand the fucked up way I grew up, and now in a way that I will remember for the rest of my life but I am so grateful for it, and it was also the first time that I felt a real connection with a group of people that wasn't all about getting fucked up. Then fast-forward break up, get back together, break up, get back together and six years later the cops around my house in Tucson. I left him again.  I read “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Inyala Vanzant then I did take him back about seven months later because I was scared. I was in a state of panic and I took him back and I knew not a shameful thing to say, but I knew it was not the right decision but I was so paralyzed with fear that I did it anyway and things got worse and they got bad quick I almost felt immobilized I didn't want to do anything I was just sad and lost and like I was never going to be able to do it again like it took so much more energy to leave him this last time to start over again and have to have a freaking leap of faith like I've never had before.

And you know what got me there yeah it was my lessons in faith it was the lessons and teachings that said hey I'm here you move I move and that is exactly what happened. It’s been a little over a year now since I got him out of my house. I've started dating which I didn't do any other time before, and in June I started Beach Body Coaching. One of the requirements is personal development, and there's a focus on success and a focus on spending time with your family God I cannot think of anything more perfect for me it's pushing the envelope and it is brought me to where I am at this very moment putting this down on paper like I have never done before.

To the Universe I am grateful for audio dictation, and in a nutshell that's what brought me from there to now, and that's why I'm writing it down that's why I'm sharing it with you because it is hard, and we do need to strive for progress not perfection and I'm sure there'll be other lessons that I need to learn but right now I am so grateful to have come through and be where I am at this moment

5. How Is My Life Better Today Because of Those Crisis? How Did it Help Me Grow?

I am better because of the crisis and because of the things that I did and the things that the Divine placed in my life and the people and the situations and the experiences. I'm a better person because it motivates me to give back and help other people, and motivates me to spend more time with my kids and put them on the top of my priority list, it helps me to take care of myself every day, to work on myself to strive in that progress every day while having a vision and simultaneously being present in this moment right here right now.

And all of them have taught me how to be resilient how to take leadership when it's necessary and as a natural part of who I am, it pushes me to live a better life and give my kids a great childhood. It pushes me to be successful in my dreams to help other people as a part of that dream and it pushes me to keep getting better, it pushes me to be are walking breathing living loving light and to grow through those experiences I am so fucking grateful I love it. 

So As you Can See I am kind of sharing a little bit of something I would most likely journal, or share with only my close friends. But I do know that when people seek to improve, and seek to find a connection with another, and are looking to hear or read the words that they need they will find them. Of this I am absolutely certain, and on that premise I’ll share it with you today and maybe it will help I don’t know but it’s worth putting out into the world.

Let’s hear some feedback! I hope you go watch the video and answer the questions yourself. It will only make you feel stronger.