Feeling Stressed or Feeling Blessed?

Christmas in my family has always been this double-edged sword.  On one hand it’s my Grandma’s favorite holiday of the year, and on the other hand Christmas Day itself is where all hell usually breaks loose.  It’s like this love hate relationship that everyone’s just become accustomed to and at some point made it ok.  Maybe you know what I’m talking about…

This particular year sticks out in my mind today as I’m thinking about the past, about choices, habits, changes and gratitude.  That year I had helped my Grandma decorate her house like I did every year.  It was one of my favorite things to do and I knew that she loved it, and loved having everything in its exact “Christmas place”.  The stockings hung on the wall above the Christmas village, the tree strategically placed in the center of the window so every person that drove down Fourth Street could see it.  Talking and singing Christmas trees, animals and stockings, plus light up garland hanging everywhere, and of course the sound of the pressure cooker in the kitchen cooking the beans. That was my favorite part. 

My son was a baby; only four months old, his dad was in prison and so was my little brother.  This was Brandon’s first Christmas and a hard one without my brother, damn.  Christmas went on, as it will. Everyone does there own thing in the morning and then meets up at Grandma’s house mid day.  We met up and somehow over time I became the person that passed out the presents.  I was already a hot mess walking into her house that morning.  I didn’t say a word about it.  I missed my brother and I knew he just wanted to be here with us, I had just gotten a letter from him talking about it.  I was a new mom, just given the okay to start working out after my cesarean and barely just begun at that point. I did not a single clue as to where I was headed in life. 

We began as normal and I attempted to pass out the presents.  Fighting started almost immediately. Who got what and how and why and on and on, I stopped everyone mid rip.  I was pissed, and made it abundantly clear that I was pissed and gave them some line about how my brother just wanted to be home yet they’re here acting the way they were.  I left the room and fought the tears, and the fighting just kept right on going as if nothing were said at all.  I went home and cried it out.   

Sometimes we have to unlearn things, have to let life, let god, let the universe or the walking lessons in our lives (or whatever you’d like to call it) teach us differently, teach us something new, something that unlocks a part of us that we didn’t know existed.  I had no skills back then or at least very little, and reacted in such a manner that I was taught too, when you feel unheard you unleash, when you feel restless there is no focus and no control over where your energy goes so it goes everywhere.

That was about seven years ago.  I wouldn’t say that I’ve mastered anything, as there are still days when I call back home and hang up with a knot in my throat.  What I will say is that I’ve progressed. Today I can go back home and keep a steady flow of boundaries, not to keep other people out but to keep myself healthy.  It’s ongoing and I love being a student of life.  Even getting this far and all the other lessons I’ve learned in the past seven years haven’t been easy nor have they been handed to me wrapped up all nice and pretty, my choices have reflected my learning curve.

Where does this all come together in relation to this month, and to Christmas? Well it was right around that time I decided I didn’t like who I was, I wanted way way way more for my son… so much more that it will still bring me to tears right now.  Then I realized that the answer is really very simple. I’ve been looking for the solution, sometimes more intensely than others, and that’s when I get more rapid changes and growth.  When you look for the solutions and the things that move you forward consistently you will find them.  This guaranteed. 

There is always always going to be something happening.  There is at any given moment 500 plus things that could make you unleash or make you want to lash out if you choose to let. You’re thinking I don’t know how to not let myself be brought down, or yeah people who don’t have problems say stuff like that.  Right?!

Here’s what I do know…  YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT REAL! 

            Everyone has problems, it’s how we know we’re alive period.  I could go home and get wrapped up in a lot of drama, eat like crap, get off my routine, let myself feel shamed, and come back home feeling like a piece of shit.  OR I can make consistent choice.  I can choose to take care of myself. 

When I look back at the past ten years there are certain things that stick out for me.  At any given time when I’m working out regularly my body feels good so naturally my mind will go along for the ride.  It is a catalyst, take care of one and it will impact the other, our bodies are designed this way.  Is there a time you can remember yourself feeling really good or being in the exact place you wanted to be? What were you doing?

We all have reasons… Reasons we can’t do things or reasons we can do things.  Take a good look at both of them.  Start where you are, and make a choice to start today with something you can do. The last time I pulled myself back up off the floor it was by drinking a shake every morning. A couple months went by and I started to feel good enough to exercise again, then good enough to write, to feel empowered and now sitting here in front of my computer passing it on to you.

Let’s get started! I’m here for you; as a matter of fact there are tons of us who are.  Why not do it today? Where are you going to choose start?

http://www.beachbodycoach.com/esuite/home/marie29sandoval

 

Where's Your Inner Strength At????

So I got on Facebook today… like I do everyday, and seen all the great things that people were posting that they were thankful for naturally because it’s thanksgiving. I had seen another Beach Body Coach post this YouTube video link, talking about his game changers.  I clicked on it because I thought if it’s motivational or inspirational I’ll listen because it’s always always worth listening to (but that’s another topic).  It was Tony Robbins Seminar 2014 – Greatest Secret Ever Tony Robbins – Tony Robbins Power Of Choice and can be found at http://youtu.be/5NxnVEXGR4Y and yes I think you should watch it, you’re worth the time.  He talked about the power of our choices and decisions and steps in the process.  I took notes in a journal, and kept listening.  Then he got to the part where he talked about Role Models…. Honestly this is been a difficult one for me and always has been. I have people that I model here or there I thought.  Mr. Robbins then graciously talked about role modeling yourself, and then he listed five questions pertaining to that specifically. 

So loving the audio function on my phone I voice recorded my answers into a document.  I’d like to share them with you; not to read about a sob story, or put anyone on blast, but in optimistic thinking that you’ll do the same for yourself and find your inner power and strength to move forward and progress in whatever it is in your life that’s going to make your life better and it can always get better right?!

Questions for Role Modeling Myself per Mr. Anthony Robbins Stream Listed above (go watch it!)

Disclaimer here… This is for the sole purpose of hoping someone finds it to be helpful in their own world in the way that I do. 

1. What is a tough time in my life that I got through?

~A tough time in my life was the physical and mental abuse I endured as a child and as a teenager.

~The self infliction of creating more pain for myself every day through using drugs and getting into legal trouble, and hurting people

         I got through this in the fact that I am no longer there (grateful)

~ Finally leaving my kids Dad after years of hurt and on again off again bull shit.

2. What Pulled Me Through That Situation (Situations)?

What pulled me through those situations… Well a few things, and I’m sure this was obvious or maybe not hell I don’t know I just know what it did for me. This is where my love for music came to life. As a teenager listening to Tupac Shakur and listening to Eminem, watching I Love Lucy and writing every day those are the things that got me through so many rough times as a teenager and through my own demise.  Focusing on my love for my brothers when I was younger, and focusing on my love for my kids once they came along; and finally now focusing on the love for myself

Listening to music every day helped me to know that there was going to be an end in sight even though it didn't feel like it there WAS going to be an end in sight and I would survive and I wouldn't have to take it every day of my life but it would end one day.

It was listening to music and writing poetry that made me want to share that same gift with the rest of the world. Just the way it made me feel, so empowered and strong made me want to share words with the world to help those people who are hurting so deeply inside in anyway and in a place that no one else can see, touch, hear, or feel.  Music and writing is what makes me want to be passionate, and help people to heal and love their lives to truly love themselves and love the life that they are living.  It’s my purpose.

Listening to Tony Robbins for Brendan Burchard or any of the other self-help books and videos and podcasts and anything else I can get my hands on. Having a inspirational women surrounding me amongst taking care of myself every single day such as working out actually eating multiple times a day and not just eating but eating something that fuels my body instead of just putting crap in it so I don't feel hungry anymore these are the things that are getting me through right now.  Thankful for Beach Body! Feeling like things are real they're still difficult but they’re real and I can see the end I can see the end of the hardship.  Everyday I put something good into my mind, something good into my body and I do something good for both of them every day.  I focus my time and I try to spend twenty minutes to six hours or whatever some kind of intentional time with my kids because they are what matters.  If I screw that up it's something I can never ever get back again, and it is the only thing in this life that if I fail I cannot have another chance, that this is something that we must all realize time is of the essence and there is no second chance and time is the gift that we truly have amongst choice. I'm getting carried away here but Beach Body is also another thing helping me to move forward it's what's introduced me to a group of people who value personal development in the same way that I do, that doesn't keep you stuck in some kind of categorized illness that helps you to grow personally beautifully to be healthy to love your family and love your life and God I am so grateful I could not even fathom the words to say how grateful I am for my recent breakthroughs and over comings. It makes me feel like for once in my life I am truly in the right place in the right state of mind and it feels most at home for me. I do not feel like an outsider or an outcast it feels right at home even when I'm afraid it is what I know is right for me and for my family for my kids right now at this moment. And gotta remember Mom and my friends… Mom showed me through her lead to work hard; to not be afraid of it, and how to advocate for myself, which truly are great gifts, thanks Mom. My friends… I cannot love them enough there always there, they love with me, the bitch with me, and they support me even when they don’t like what I’m doing. I love them. 

3. What was life like before all hell broke loose?

Ha ha three what was life like before the situations well I don't remember when I was a kid, I don't remember much at all it was just crazy. I remember people using drugs and screaming at each other and fighting and that's what I modeled and I am just looking back at it now even though that's what life was like before because it was like that more than it was not.

I’ve had these moments here and there in the mist of things that helped me be able to preview another way of life. That helped me to see that not everyone lives this way. That helped me to see that there is a way to live and love each other without the kind of pain that really hurts people. I know that things like spending time with a few childhood friends and their families, things like spending time with my and/or when I was a kid things like going to Epcot center things like working in in-home healthcare that's a huge one those things especially working in other peoples homes help me to look at things differently to take note of what works for some and what doesn't work for others to know that not everything has to be dramatized that not everything has to suck that people actually do live in healthy ways to love each other and know that they love each other. People do trust each other and most of all that people do take care of their family put them first and accomplish their dreams I am so grateful to have seen those things I am grateful for where I'm at right now because I am the healthiest and happiest and most grateful that I have ever been in my entire life and it is because I've been making choices that are right for me and my kids and it's still difficult make no mistake but I'm grateful for and there are no words that can explain it as deeply as I feel it in my heart and in my soul in the blessings that I feel in everything

4. What did I do that brought me from there to now?

WOW! I did all kinds of stuff from childhood to now including using all kinds of drugs. I had and have had a wide variety of beliefs from “I don't give a fuck and that's real” and “I believe that there is always something present to lead us in the right direction” throughout my life. I could see it then, not nearly as strong as I see it now.

A beautiful friend was in my life, she showed me great things in the break in between my using, when I was sober for a little while when I was 15. She taught me things about love and humanity. Then when I left a previous boyfriend I was kind a lost and I started dating my kid’s dad.  I had a child and started working in rehab. It saved my life in a different kind of way, not because I went through it but because I worked through it for three years and learned the very things that helped me to understand the fucked up way I grew up, and now in a way that I will remember for the rest of my life but I am so grateful for it, and it was also the first time that I felt a real connection with a group of people that wasn't all about getting fucked up. Then fast-forward break up, get back together, break up, get back together and six years later the cops around my house in Tucson. I left him again.  I read “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Inyala Vanzant then I did take him back about seven months later because I was scared. I was in a state of panic and I took him back and I knew not a shameful thing to say, but I knew it was not the right decision but I was so paralyzed with fear that I did it anyway and things got worse and they got bad quick I almost felt immobilized I didn't want to do anything I was just sad and lost and like I was never going to be able to do it again like it took so much more energy to leave him this last time to start over again and have to have a freaking leap of faith like I've never had before.

And you know what got me there yeah it was my lessons in faith it was the lessons and teachings that said hey I'm here you move I move and that is exactly what happened. It’s been a little over a year now since I got him out of my house. I've started dating which I didn't do any other time before, and in June I started Beach Body Coaching. One of the requirements is personal development, and there's a focus on success and a focus on spending time with your family God I cannot think of anything more perfect for me it's pushing the envelope and it is brought me to where I am at this very moment putting this down on paper like I have never done before.

To the Universe I am grateful for audio dictation, and in a nutshell that's what brought me from there to now, and that's why I'm writing it down that's why I'm sharing it with you because it is hard, and we do need to strive for progress not perfection and I'm sure there'll be other lessons that I need to learn but right now I am so grateful to have come through and be where I am at this moment

5. How Is My Life Better Today Because of Those Crisis? How Did it Help Me Grow?

I am better because of the crisis and because of the things that I did and the things that the Divine placed in my life and the people and the situations and the experiences. I'm a better person because it motivates me to give back and help other people, and motivates me to spend more time with my kids and put them on the top of my priority list, it helps me to take care of myself every day, to work on myself to strive in that progress every day while having a vision and simultaneously being present in this moment right here right now.

And all of them have taught me how to be resilient how to take leadership when it's necessary and as a natural part of who I am, it pushes me to live a better life and give my kids a great childhood. It pushes me to be successful in my dreams to help other people as a part of that dream and it pushes me to keep getting better, it pushes me to be are walking breathing living loving light and to grow through those experiences I am so fucking grateful I love it. 

So As you Can See I am kind of sharing a little bit of something I would most likely journal, or share with only my close friends. But I do know that when people seek to improve, and seek to find a connection with another, and are looking to hear or read the words that they need they will find them. Of this I am absolutely certain, and on that premise I’ll share it with you today and maybe it will help I don’t know but it’s worth putting out into the world.

Let’s hear some feedback! I hope you go watch the video and answer the questions yourself. It will only make you feel stronger.   

Are You Satisfied???

Are you satisfied with your life where it stands today? Or have you yet to ask yourself that question because you fear the answer to it?  This is a sensitive issue in our society and in our American culture.  The thing about it that I’ve noticed working with people, is a lot of people either don’t ask the question at all, or they ask the question but just feel confused, lost or straight scared because they don’t know what or how to do what’s next. 

I lived in Tucson for a year, and while I was down there one of the things that my kids and I did was visit various types of religious or spiritual establishments including churches, monasteries, and faith gardens because I wanted to learn about different kinds of faith and people.  We went to a CSL Center and the Reverend there said, “Choice is Destiny’s Soul Mate”.  It hit me hard and stuck with me, however I was still pretty confused and lost in the meaning of it as well as in the mist of my own healing and major changes. 

Now a couple years later I hear and read similar things all the time from people like Chalene Johnson, Tony Robbins, Jim Carey and a few wonderful mentors and friends in my own life.  It makes much more sense to me now.  Own it!

Okay wait, what?!  My personal experience that has made me a single Mom was nothing simple or short lived. It went on and on for about six years (break up, get to back together, try to fix it, get hurt, break up again) before it was permanent.   I’d hear people say own it, or take control of it or well Marie you have a choice.  I knew I did, but in the hardest of moments or even events that I should have been celebrating with my kids I felt a sense of victimhood, or better put being a single mom is hard, and I don’t know how I’m going to do this. 

It wasn’t until I embraced my gratitude for this very scenario that I could Own It.  Owning it to me means that I can take this life and be grateful for where I’ve been, where I’m at right now, and know with ALL Certainty that I am able to take this scenario and make it whatever I want it to be.  That doesn’t mean it won’t be hard, it’s all hard it just means I get to choose my hard.

That in owning it, I appreciate it, In owning it I’m not freaking out about what sucks, and what I can’t do, and what my kids don’t have.  In owning it I know this is temporary and I can appreciate it for what it is right now, and make it the best one ever, or least keep progressing towards it. 

Recently I heard it again on a Podcast I was listening to by Chalene Johnson. She was talking about business, but it just really just fits everywhere if you think about it.  Own your life!

It is ridiculously easy to fall into what we can’t do, and what we don’t like, and what’s wrong. This is more than positive thinking, this is positive in motion.  There just comes a time when you realize that you can continue to let life happen to you, or you can step up and direct it’s course. 

Taking ownership is the hardest part, but once it goes the momentum flows.  There’s a number of things you can do everyday to empower yourself in this way. I talk a lot about gratitude and I could not be more serious about how vital it is to feel appreciative.

A few ways to get that momentum flowing…

1.    Ha ha yeap gonna say it again Practice Gratitude!

2.    Get up and get moving. Exercise or working out or whatever you want to call it does a gazillion things for you. It releases endorphins (the chemicals that make you feel good), it reduces stress, allows you to get focused, and stay focused on what’s important. I get some of the best ideas and solutions when I run, and some of the most perfect moments of clarity, gratitude and relaxation when I’m doing Piyo and yoga.

3.    Ask yourself important questions… On paper.  Like “what does being successful mean to me?” and “what/who are the things/people that I would be devastated without in my life?” There are many questions you can ask yourself to get perspective. Once you write the question down you realize the goal… Then Break it down! Baby Steps… you can only do one thing at a time anyway.

There really are millions and millions of books, YouTube videos, podcasts, seminars and resources out there to help figure it out. Life was not given to you or me to work until we’re dead and that’s it. Life means vitality, which is from “Vital” meaning it’s important.

 I challenge you today to take one step to own your life and direct it whether it be asking specific questions, applying for that job you want, putting on the running shoes, blowing bubbles with your kids, or letting go of tasks that are unimportant and stress you out. 

I’d love hear what your next step will be! 

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